October Reflection

I have a pretty solid balance between my extroversive side and my introversive side but today my introversive side has taken over and I am in full-blown reflective mode right now. Reflecting back on the month helps me organize my thoughts and progress and reminds myself of my purposes and future goals. So…let’s get to it. 
I have a pretty solid balance between my extroversive side and my introversive side but today my introversive side has taken over and I am in full-blown reflective mode right now. Reflecting back on the month helps me organize my thoughts and progress and reminds myself of my purposes and future goals. So…let’s get to it. 
 
Health:
Clearly, for those who follow me or know me personally, I was most definitely not thriving physically this October. I had severe abdominal pain throughout the entire month, which led up to my emergency gallbladder surgery yesterday (Nov. 2). Galleleo (my 1.5cm gallstone), along with my entire gallbladder, was removed. And neither of them will be missed, I can promise you that. 
Despite all the physical pain I’ve been in, I actually reached a whole new level of mental clarity. October really tested me by opening my eyes to the people I want to keep close to me, and those I am fine living without. I reached a new level of self-awareness and being aware of the true motives of other people. I also realized I’m reflecting on life in a more rational approach than my typical dreamer-like, I’m-in-my-own-fantasy-bubble fashion. I notice myself becoming happier and more confident in my own skin as the days go on, and it no longer feels like that facade of being happy and confident but actually authentic.
 
Family, Friends, & Relationships:
I truly feel a lot of this mental clarity has come from cutting out toxic energy, in all of my personal relationships. I am constantly evaluating these relationships and if I feel I am a) losing pieces of myself to keep this relationship intact, b) am stressed out by this relationship, or c) this relationship brings down my mood in drastic ways, I will not feel guilty for ending this relationship. I am such an empath and surrounding myself with overall negative, toxic, or manipulative people negatively harms me and my ability to continue on this path of self-growth. I get distracted and take others’ problems and internalize them into my own, and at the end of the day, it’s not healthy for me. 
Instead, I’ve replaced these kinds of people with new friends that boost my mood and make me feel good about myself. I have made so many new friends this month that I am so truly grateful for, and surprisingly enough they were people I have known for so long but never made more of an effort because all my efforts were going into sustaining toxic relationships. I’ve also given more of my focus to the relationships I already had that made me happier and gravitate towards those with positive energies and all around good vibes. 
 
Finances: 
Because of all my health problems this month, I haven’t been working and my goodness is my bank account crying. On the plus, I’ve mostly been on bed rest throughout the majority of October so I haven’t really been spending much, but I need to get back to work ASAP. I recently applied for a new job so hopefully I’ll hear back soon and get this bread (*cringe*).
 
School:
I’m only taking two classes this semester since I didn’t want to overwhelm myself going back after my hiatus, but I got to say, I’ve completely surprised myself with my abilities to succeed. I’ve always been academic, but I’ve never been a great student. What I mean by that is, I always loved learning but I hated learning on someone else’s schedule, never studied even if my life depended on it, and a huge procrastinator. However, I found a schedule that works so well for me and despite missing classes because of my abdominal pain, I managed to get all As on every test thus far (weird flex, but ok). I’m incredibly proud of myself and I am more than halfway through the semester so I’m sure I can keep this up and finish with all As. 
 
Art & Expression: 
I am a very emotional person (no matter how hard I try to repress it) and over the years have realized I NEED a creative outlet to keep my mental energy stabilized. It’s why I’ve always gravitated to writing or taking pictures or creating any form of expressive content. Halloween and fall vibes definitely helped inspire my creative side when it came to costumes and room decor, but I definitely think I can be producing even more creative content for myself, a goal I will be carrying into next month.
 
November Goals:
  • continue to not entertain negative energy
  • continue to get As in school
  • save more money
  • blog more (2x/month)
  • start a youtube channel 😉
 
–B.
 
Also, please feel free to reach out with blog/video ideas! 

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